Butt Shots and Embryos

Well, the stomach shots are over, which is good, but now we have to do progesterone in oil (PIO) shots right in the butt. Ugh!

To be fair, though, the butt shots actually hurt less than the stomach shots, which is weird because the butt needle is like twice as long! And the formula is very thick and slow.

The PIO makes my butt hurt pretty bad, which means walking and sitting both hurt equally!

My tips for doing the PIO shots are:
1. Lay on your stomach and do something to distract you- play a phone game, watch a show, or read funny things.
2. Breathe! There are lots of apps and graphics and things online to help you to control your breathing because trust me, the drugs go in a lot easier if you are relaxed!
3. Warm up the PIO to body temp before administering. Myke usually puts it in his pocket for a half hour to get it nice and warm- that makes the oil a little more liquidy so it goes in easier.
4. Move around after the injection. I walk up and down the stairs three times. This helps the meds move around in your body, so they aren't sitting in one place.

And now, an EMBRYO UPDATE!!

Of the 14 embryos, EIGHT fertilized!!! Eight!!!! That is so crazy to think that those could be our future kiddos right there, growing and developing and getting ready for implanting! I am so grateful!

Egg Retrieval Part 2

I hated coming out of the anesthesia, of course. Myke kept saying, "You've said that already!" Apparently when I came out I just was telling everyone thank you, so that's pretty sweet. The pic above was apparently me going, "Myke, take a picture!" Don't remember that. The whole procedure itself only took about 45 minutes, which is rad.

How it works is, they have the ultrasound wand to find where the follicles with the eggs are. Then they have a small needle with a suction cup on the end that goes through the vaginal wall and up to the ovaries. It slurps up the eggs, and they give them to the embryologists. I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. A lot of the explanations I've seen don't really make sense, but that's how it was explained to me!

After I was supplied with Goldfish crackers (that I don't remember) and ginger ale, and was a little more coherent, someone came in to tell me how many eggs they had retrieved.

FOURTEEN!!!!!! They extracted 14 eggs!! I was so excited! That is twice as many as they had seen on my last ultrasound!

The rest of the time at the clinic was pretty calm. They told me to take it easy today, take some pain pills if I needed it, and sleep. So I got dressed, was a little woozy, and again, COLD, and made our way home.

This was in the elevator on the way down. I look so drugged still!!

Myke was a sweet boy and ordered Panera Bread mac and cheese for us to have when we got home. I managed to eat almost all of it, and we both fell asleep watching a D&D stream. Myke eventually woke up and went downstairs, but I stayed asleep practically all day! I feel like I maybe was awake only two hours? It was pretty rad.

Here's a fun side effect tho- it hurt SO BAD to pee! It makes sense, really, because your whole lady section has been poked and stabbed and prodded, so it's all a bit tender. I found that leaning forward slightly and pressing a big towel on my bottom ribs helped a bit.

But yeah, that's how my egg retrieval went! I didn't have a lot of pain, I think I only took two pain pills and those were at night after a day of walking around.

We'll hear on Thursday about how the embryos are doing- I hope they are all healthy!

Egg Retrieval Part 1

So yesterday was a crazy day!

We were told after my appointment on Monday that our egg retrieval would be on Wednesday! Augh!

Excited, nervous, scared, all of it!

I especially hate how anesthesia makes me feel, I do not like not being in control and coming out of anesthesia is the worst feeling for me. Not being able to remember what I've said, not being able to focus, it is just the worst.

And we were not looking forward to a lot of eggs. At my ultrasound on Monday, they were still not really able to find my left ovary (her guess was that maybe it is just very high), and I was very worried about that- would it affect the retrieval? The doctor laughed and said that as I would be under, they could be more forceful with the wand and would be able to find the leftie.

The night before, it was no food and water after midnight, of course. I love all these lists of "Things to do before Egg Retrieval" because honestly we did nothing special? Watched some of our favorite show, had some tea, fell asleep pretty early. The best part was not having to do any injections!!

Of course, I totally spaced it on the appointment time. I guess I was just so used to getting to the clinic at 730! Oops! So we went and wandered around Target for a half hour and then went over to the clinic.

Tip #1 for Egg Retrieval: Wear Your Warmest Socks!! It will get very cold, and you will appreciate the fuzzies! I wore my fluffy leopard socks.

They took some vitals, and the anesthesiologist was so sweet and kind! She sat right next to me and talked me through how the anesthesia was going to go. It took a hot minute to get the IV in, we tried it in my elbow and it didn't work, so we had to go real deep in the middle of my arm. Ouch! My IVF coordinator also came in and out, and had me sign some forms and such. Not too bad!

But then it was time!! They wheeled my bed around the corner into the room. I wish I had a picture of the room I was in- it looked like something from science fiction! The stirrups were HUGE and had straps on them, there was a huge TV on the wall and a door leading to another room. It was also freezing! I had one of those thin hospital blankets but still!

My anesthesiologist knew how scared I was and she was good at keeping me calm while everyone finished up. Then she inserted the anesthesia and, after a few deep breaths, I was OUT.

Anxiety Attacks

Had an anxiety attack while doing injections last night.

It’s actually been a little better the last few nights. Haven’t cried or done anything.

But last night was the works.

Got through it though!! Called a couple of our friends over to give me a priesthood blessing which was helpful.  But if I, the biggest baby in the world, can do it, so can you!!

To This Point

These are the happenings so far

So we started IVF. We are currently on Day 5 of medication. These have been some of the most difficult days that we have been through.

First we had to order the meds. These are a lot of specialty medications, so we can’t just roll up to our local Walgreen’s and pick them up. Had to get them from a specialty pharmacy shipped overnight. Which was a problem in itself because our bank was having an issue with online orders, and we had to pay extra for weekend shipping!!

I thought that I would be okay with the injections. Ha. Ha. Oh, you little naive sweetheart.

My husband has been SUCH a champ. Got all the medication arranged on a bookshelf, excepting the giant boxes in the fridge, and prepared for the first night.

I had almost an instant panic attack when I saw the amount of medication that needed to get shot into my belly. The needle is only about an inch and a half long, but it caused such terror that I immediately began freaking out.

Through the snot tears Mykel was able to stick the needle in and give my medications. It hurt SO BAD!! Like a constant stinging pain the whole time. But we endured! I feel buoyed up by the prayers of my family and I am grateful for each one! I’m going to do a post later on tips and tricks for injections.

A poor little bruised belly.

Had my first ultrasound this morning and there were only SEVEN follicles!! I am a little upset about that as I have heard some women have up to 30 growing, but we will see. More may come... 

This has been the Haps, hopefully we will have more news soon!

"It's either this, or nothing."

What a devastating thing to hear. 

When we were told this, it was devastating. IVF was something that happened to OTHER couples, not us! It’s a scary prospect!

Basically what IVF is, the egg is taken from the wiman, fertilized outside of the body, and then reinserted, and it attaches to the uterine wall as a regular pregnancy would be.

And this was essentially our only option.

It’s really a pretty viable option, especially in cases of male infertility. As our doctor put it, “for IVF, one million sperm is 999,999 too many.”

So with a lot of prayers and fasting, we decided on that option for growing our family.

Since I know we’re going to get the question, yes, IVF is terribly expensive. We were able to get a loan for the main bulk of it, and my parents were so kind to pay for medication. I am not going to post the exact price, but I will say that it cost between 12k-14k. Is it worth it? YES!

People focus so much on the cost of IVF. I have heard before, “their baby was so expensive!” But you know what? Every shot makes you think of your future child. Every doctor visit gives you hope. Each tear ahed through this very emotional process makes every cent seem so much more.

I would gladly pay for this experience. And I am!

Fingers crossed, friends.

Male Infertility???

yeah, it’s a thing!

 Male fertility has dropped 60% in the last 40 years. Sixty! Percent! And yet with all the medical advances that we have, there is a dearth of information about male fertility issues, which is a darn shame.

Studies show that in cases of infertility, about 1/3 are due to male dominant issues. I had a OBGYN say that there may be nore of a docus on women’s fertility because there are more things that can go wrong. But let’s see what needs to happen in order for a man to be successful.

(FYI, this post might get a bit TMI, so if you’re squeamish about words like sperm and testicles, then you should probably akip this post)

First, a man must produce healthy sperm.
Second, the sperm has to be carried into the semen.
Third, there needs to be a good concentration of sperm to semen (around 14-16 million per mL of semen is normal).
Fourth, the sperm has to be able to move.

Seems to me like there are a lot of things that can go wrong with that! Let’s look at just a few.

Physical abnormalities can cause trouble in creation and movement of sperm.

Issues with hormones can mess things up too.

Certain medicines have side effects that are detrimental (as we found out).

Environement and lifestyle also play an important role in male fertility.

Now, I am not a doctor. I’m not going to suggest fixes or cures for male infertility. Basically I’ve read a few articles and some studies. But having dealt firsthand with this, I will offer just a couple of suggestions.

FIND A DOCTOR who will acknowledge that male infertility is a POSSIBILITY and is very common! We were lucky that our fertility clinic has a male specialist on staff. However I remember our first brush with the possibility and that terrible urologist who didn’t bother to look at the numbers. If your doctor isn’t mentioning male issues, advocate for yourself. Being it up at your appointment.

It is also good to remember that it is likely your partner also really wants children. That’s why he’s going through this with you! And Godly men, who want to bring children into the world, it breaks their hearts when they can’t. I look at my sweet husband, who would be such a good dad, and it hirta that I can’t do anything to help him except be a good companion and wife. Assure him constantly that his physical inabilities don’t make him less of a man or less of a husband. Encourage him to be open woth his feelings!

And as always, TALK to other people about fertility!! Make opportunities for conversation and be as open and honest as you can.



Some Sources:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jul/25/sperm-counts-among-western-men-have-halved-in-last-40-years-study

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/male-infertility/symptoms-causes/syc-20374773

Seeing a Fertility Specialist

much less scary than previously aniticipated

After my OBGYN recommended us to the fertility specialist, we still deliberated. For a few months, I was hopeful that we still could conceive naturally.

But on Feb 20, 2018 we made our way to UNC Fertility and our doctor.

He was very knowledgeable, open, and helpful. He spoke to us about hope and medicine. Let us know that there were options for us still! Did some more tests, and we finally had an updated diagnosis.

Male-Pattern Infertility

What?? Guys can be infertile too? His sperm levels were so low, under 3mil. consistently. This made me EVEN MORE angry at that urologist who told Myke that his levels were okay. I stewed a long time over this, if only he had taken more time to look at his levels, if only we had gone to a second doctor, if only, if only, the woodpecker sighs.

The diagnosis absolutely devastated Mykel. I'll write more about male infertility in another post.

But now we KNEW! Now we had a DIAGNOSIS! Now we had ANSWERS!

Next step was IUI- intra-uterine insemination. There's a lot of good information on the internet about IUI, so I'll just explain briefly. In IUI, the output is given from the man, washed and spun so the semen and sperm separate, and then the majority of the good sperm are put into a catheter. The catheter is put into the vagina, and the sperm injected into the uterus.

It's only slightly invasive. It really wasn't too bad. My journal entry on June 13th reads, "Today was a DAY. IUI done. Wow. Lots of emotions and feels. So thankful for my husband." I remember after the procedure was done, they asked me to stay lying down for about fifteen minutes, and I cried through all of it. All the emotions led up to this day, and it seemed almost anti-climactic?

We went home excited and hopeful. My MIL had a prayer and fasting chain for us, and I could DEFINITELY feel it.

But, later that month. Right on time. Auntie Flo came for her visit. Myke was so tender during this time. We were traveling overseas, and he made sure to show me a great time!

We scheduled another IUI for the next month. The clinic we went to won't do an infinite number, and we knew this. Myke went in the morning to give his sample, and when we went for insemination, the doc called us into his office. Hubs' levels were too low to really consider insem, the doc said. We could still do it, but the chances of implantation were no different from regular sex. They advised against it, and we took that option.

This happened twice. We had one failed IUI, and two unsuccessful attempts. We were not even able to do them. The far-away option suddenly seemed very prominent, hulking behind us, dark and scary and expensive.

In. Vitro. Fertilization.

The Beginning

or, how we realized our infertility

Please try to deal with my terrible, terrible writing. I am trying my best! Writing has never been my strong suit, but I am going to try to write down everything. So, let’s just jump right in.

look at those cute lil newlyweds. awww. 

We got married in June of 2014. We were both 22 years old and excited to begin our lives together. We knew at the outset that we didn’t want to have children right away. I wasn’t working, and Myke was still working on getting his undergraduate. It was understood that I would be the main breadwinner for a little while. We could barely afford to feed ourselves (hurray for Rice-a-Roni!), much less care for a tiny small one at the same time!


So we waited for a couple years, and deflected questions as to when we were gonna start having kids.

Then in February of 2016, we were in the temple, pondering a completely unrelated question, and as we were in the celestial room, I turned to Myke and said, “We should have a baby!” He looked surprised but was having the same prompting!

We went home and I printed out a three-month calendar (ha!) marked on it my projected periods and fertile dates, and we began our attempts! We thought at the time that it would be so easy. I have a letter from that time that I wrote to our future daughter. “I can’t wait to be your mama!”

But we waited. And waited. And waited.

Each month my period would come, each month would be more negative pregnancy tests.  I downloaded apps. I ordered ovulation predictor kits. I logged basal body temperature. After a while we started passing hoped-for due dates. That was the worst. “If we had gotten pregnant then, our tiny small one would be here now.”

And still, nothing.

After just over a year, I finally went to my doctor to ask what the heck? We were both young and (relatively) healthy, how were we not pregnant yet? She prescribed a few rounds of Clomid, a transvaginal ultrasound, and some bloodwork. Fairly standard.

But it still did not work!

So she asked Myke to get a semen analysis done. He went dutifully to the doctor and did what he had to do, and the urologist took one look at his numbers, said “These are a little low, but fine,” and shooed him out of his office. That made me so mad! Didn’t discuss the numbers with him or nothing. Just, “these are fine” and out he went.

Ruled out PCOS. Wasn’t endometriosis. Nor was it blocked tubes or lack of ovulation.

Current diagnosis: Unexplained Infertility. AUGH!

Cue more months of prayer. Of fasting. Of scream-crying at the Lord, asking, “When will it be MY turn?!” Each month brought a new pregnant friend, someone moving in to the ward with so many babies, baby showers and pregnancy announcements and invasive questions about our lack of children.

Then we moved across the country, and when I saw a OBGYN, she talked to me for about half an hour and then recommended we go and actually see a FERTILITY DOCTOR!!

...to be continued